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If I Ever Get Ants In My Pants It Will Be A Giant Bummer
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If I Must Choose Between Pees And Poops, I Will Pick Dumps
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If I Must Select My Favorite Car, It Is Mercedes
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If I Was A Spider I'd Weave A Dank Webb
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If It Ain't Huey Lewis Then It's Celine Dion Singin At Me 'Bout The Power Of Love
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If My Fucking Sexy Looks Could Kill I'd Need A Defense Attorney For Murder
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If My Personality Doesn’t Turn You Off, The Bump Will
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If My Phone's Off Just Call My Pager
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If My Wife Is Running Late She Likes To Haul Ass In Her Car
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If There's One Animal On Instagram I Suggest Following It's Penguins
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If There's One Animal/TV Show Combo We'd Like To See It's Penguins On 60 Minutes
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If They Keep Suckin' On All Those Chili Dogs, Jack And Diane Are Gonna Shart
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If We Are Going To Hang Out I Need To Know How Long You Wanna Hang For
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If We Have To Watch A Movie From 1992, A River Runs Through It Will Do
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If We're Talking USA Presidents I've Got Some Thoughts On Polk
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If Y'all Start A Bird Sanctuary That Lack Hawks I'll Write A Negative Yelp Review
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If Ya Don't Know Me, Don't "Bruh" Me
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If Ya Like It Then Ya Shoulda Put A Ring On It
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If Ya Like Stinky Wind, Here Comes A Gust
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If Ya Present Sucks, Hopefully Ya Future's All Better
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If You Can Hear What I'm Saying, Roger Me That
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If You Can't Be First, Try And Be Second
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If You Can't Handle Me At Bio-Dome You Don't Deserve Me At Son In Law
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If You Can't Handle Me At My Ringo, You Don't Deserve Me At Lennon
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If You Can't Handle Me At Violin, You Don't Deserve Me At Cello
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If You Can't Reach an Exciting Orgasm, Fake It
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If You Criticize His Hair, He Gets Defensive
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If You Don't Have A Filter, I'm Gonna Hate Ur Acqua
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If You Don't Know The Answers At Trivia Night, You Can't Use Your Phone To Look 'Em Up!
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If You Don't Know Who Got You Pregnant, You Can Probably Go On Povich To Find Out
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If You Don't Wash It, Your Dick Will Smell...
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If You Don’t Have Orwell’s 1984 You Can Go To The Library And Rent One
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